Being your best self: A leadership guide to authenticity with adaptability.

We all seek to be understood, valued, appreciated, and respected.  Yet, sometimes, the connection we desire isn’t what we receive – the transmission feels distorted. While authenticity is an important trait, there are times when we need to embrace a slightly different version of ourselves to achieve our outcomes.

The Power of Perception: Choose How Others See You

Picture yourself preparing for a job interview.  You might feel nervous, doubt your experience, or wonder if you’ll fit in.   In Greenlights, actor Matthew McConnaughey shares how his mother prepared him for such moments.  She’d say: “You don’t walk into a room like you want to buy that place.  You walk in like you own it.”

When you enter a room, people will form an impression – a single word that defines how they perceive you.  The magic is, you get to choose that word.  Just like an actor stepping onto the stage in character, you influence how others perceive you.

Choose your word.  In an interview, it could be confident, creative, dynamic, reliable, strategic, innovative, or compassionate.

Then, believe it, behave it and ultimately, you’ll become it.

The four circles of self-identity:  navigating self-perception.

The four circles of identity offer a framework to help navigate how others see us and how we see ourselves:

• What Others Think of You (Personality): People’s perceptions of you are context-dependent, and everyone sees you differently, shaped by their own mindsets and experience.
• What You Want Others to Think of You (Persona): This reflects your aspirations and potential for growth.
• What You Think of Yourself (Ego): Self-esteem fluctuates; the key is to find balance between self-praise and self-criticism.
• The Unchanging You (Self): This core, value-driven self remains constant throughout life, reflecting your life’s message to the world.

Think of these four circles like ripples in a pond, radiating outward from your core self – an embodiment of your values.  Who you think you are, who you want others to think you are, and how others actually perceive you are concentric constructs of our core self.

Adapting without losing yourself: The balance of authenticity and compassion

When we’re truly authentic, the circles of identity align closely.    However, in different contexts – like the job interview – we may need to adapt. This isn’t about being inauthentic; it’s about being aware of the situation and making intentional shifts to achieve our goals.

Self-awareness is a vital tool as we navigate life’s transitions.  We don’t live each year on repeat; we learn and grow.  Life events, such as a break-up, maternity leave, or redundancy, might leave you struggling with confidence, whereas a career change could reignite your energy.  Though your core self remains constant, your ego, persona and personality evolve.  To those who see you infrequently, this evolution might prompt the question: “Who is the real you?”

Having compassion – for yourself and others – can help you navigate these shifts and strengthen your relationships.

The leadership journey: Evolving while staying true to your self

As leaders, the challenge isn’t just to adapt but to stay true to our core selves while doing so. The journey to being your best self isn’t about perfection – it’s about progression.  Knowing who you are, shaping how others see you, and evolving toward the future you envision. Every stage in life offers a chance to redefine success, deepen self-understanding, and build your legacy.

So, the next time you walk into that room—whether it’s an interview, a meeting, or a new role—remember you choose the word.  Believe it. Behave it. Become it.